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sharpayevons:

"At least you love me." I say to my pet as I hold them against my chest as they try to get away

Who was watching Ancient Aliens and thought: “You know who needs their own show? The completely insane man.”?

Seriously.

I posted that I felt accomplished as my facebook status

and my boss messaged me and asked me I got a credit card application.

It’s actually because I got promoted.